This is dedicated to a dear friend, whom we are hardly in contact now since his new job has denied him access to internet. Yes, someone is right, constant talking is not necessarily a good communication.

 

Thank you for your warm regards by dropping in to my blog whenever you could & found out that I am sick. I felt an angel has touched my heart. You take care too my dear friend. Keep in touch!

 

How do I like my coffee? Usually white but less sweet, sometimes black but definitely less sweet, sometimes completely black without sugar. No flavoured Cuppuccino nor Cafe Latte. An Espresso would be nice. Coffee Liquor? Hmmm......... I don't mind.   To me, that's how my life tastes like now. Too much sweetness could kill me. A little bitterness would bring out the aroma. Cheers! I love my coffee & my life now.

The difference is solitude is something we WANT and feel comfortable with, a peaceful, relaxing and inspirational space, and loneliness is an UNWANTED experience of being on our own.
 
One of the greatest fears we have is the fear of loneliness, especially the loneliness that we feel when we are without a lover. 

This fear traps many of us into unfulfilling or destructive relationships, or leads us into pursuing the wrong person just to AVOID being on our own.

It is possible to feel more isolated and lonely in an unhappy relationship or marriage than when we are actually on our own.

 

Time for inner reflection. We can transform unwanted loneliness into welcome solitude. Focus on contemplating positive opportunities and outcomes.  Spend time reflecting on past joys and accomplishments. Consider what we can do with our lives to create more satisfaction and fulfillment.

Take your time and chill out, don’t make any hasty or impetuous decisions, THINK about the issues in our lives carefully and from a more open-minded perspective and with a more positive attitude.
 
Be patient, as it may take a little more time before the period of unwanted loneliness we are suffering will pass.  Of course, it can also mean don’t let the fear of loneliness hold us back from making an important decision! Don’t rush any decisions, take time out to think about and contemplate our options carefully, and if we feel lonely consider how we can change the way we view ‘loneliness’ to create a sense of solitude instead.

     

I have been constantly reminding Cher to take great care of herself not to fall sick for our coming vacation trip. I don't wish to spend our vacation in the hotel room!! No, please......

 

She caught flu from her swimming class last weekend. I didn't sleep well for the last few nights, kept waking up to check the time. I don't know why. Once I don't get enough rest, my immune system starts to break down. Now I'm down with throat infection, fever & bodyache. So don't MAKE LOVE to me now, because I am too tired and would fall asleep within 30 seconds. This is how fatigue I am. I need a break away from home & everything else for a while. I really need it.

By Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend (What does boundary look like?)

      Our ability to give and respond to love is our greatest gift. Its abilities to open up to love and to allow love to flow outward are crucial to life.

Many people have difficulty giving and receiving love because of hurt and fear. Having closed their heart to others, they feel empty and meaningless.

Our loving heart, like our physical one, needs an  inflow as well as an outflow of  lifeblood. And like its physical counterpart, our heart is a muscle, a trust muscle. This trust muscle needs to be used and exercised; if it is injured it will slow down or weaken.

We need to take responsibility for this loving function of ourselves and use it. Love concealed or love rejected can both kill us.

Many people do not take ownership for how they resist love. They have a lot of love around them, but do not realize that their loneliness is a result of their own lack of respon­siveness. Often they will say, “Others’ love cannot ‘get in.’” This statement negates their responsibility to respond. We maneuver subtly to avoid responsibility in love; we need to claim our hearts as our property and work on our weaknesses in that area. It will open up life to us.

A friend called me early one morning, he was terrified. He has bouts of rapid, regular heart beating for quite sometime. I was having tea with a colleague when he called, so I told him to calm down & let me know his electrocardiogram report later.

 

Thankfully, his report resulted negatively. Relieved. Doctor advised him to learn to relax & PRAY. Everytime we met for catching up, there was always interruption by his incoming calls. Even when he eats, speaks, walks, drives, he's always in a hurry. His family is in a rural town & he doesn't want his parents to worry about him.

 

Most responsible & sensible men, especially those who are fathers, have same goals: striving to earn as much as they can when they are still young or fit enough to work, providing the best comfort they could for their families & themselves & planning for an early retirement.

 

Nothing's wrong with these goals. But hey, have we ever thought of whether we could live long enough to appreciate the hardship we have worked for all these years? Most likely, the moment when our goals are achieved, duties are done, it's time for us to "leave". I have seen many obituaries of those departed at age around 45 to 50 these days.

 

Another single-parent friend of mine has loaned her apartment to the minimum years. She's working like a donkey now(as she always calls herself). Switching jobs to jobs. Earning extra incomes from sidelines. Sending her kid for extracurriculum classes. Trying all means to earn as much as she can to clear up all debts.

 

Seriously I'm not impressed. I'm worried for their health. They are working too hard for the money! Too hard!

 

 

Why don't I listen to my own heart? It's crying of tiredness. I believe it has tried its best to give. Giving is more blessed than receiving?? Give my poor heart time to rest & heal, I'm sure it would become stronger & healthier in no time soon.

Caterpillar: Hmmm........... that doesn't seem too hard to do.......... 

 

 

Today GOD has amazed me again! What has HE done to a man who professed to be HIS child?? With your wisdom, why does he feel so empty? With your glory, why has he not learnt how to talk like a man to a woman? If this is the case, grant me the strength to leave him alone as he wishes.

Love is about finding someone who helps us become the best person we can be of ourselves & to others. And the good news is, I know it has always been at my doorstep. I know it.

Ning and I were lining up to board our flight to Penang on Wednesday afternoon, I spotted a familiar face standing in front of us in the queue. So I whispered to Ning.   Me: Look in front of us. It's Guan Eng. Ning: Who? Me: YAB Mr. Lim Guan Eng, the Chief Minister of Penang. Ning: No lah. Me: Yes lah! I know how he looks lah. It's the CM lah. Ning: Takkan CM jalan sorang sorang. If he's the CM, where are the bodyguards and the officers and the rombongan and kaum kerabat? Me: Tak percaya? Watch and learn.   So I walked up to Yang Amat Berhormat, introduced myself and asked to take a picture. He smiled and obliged.   YAB CM: Hey, I know you! You're Ning Baizura! Ning: YAB Lim, good afternoon. YAB CM: Come, come, we take a picture. Vernon, here's my card. Email me the pictures OK. Me: Definitely, sir. Ambik kau. CM pun peminat katanya!   Ning and I really felt honoured. But we felt more surprised that the Chief Minister of a state was travelling all by himself like any normal rakyat jelata. But the biggest surprise in store for us was yet to come. As usual, we sat in First Class. I expected the CM to be seated somewhere in front of us but then I realised he wasn't in First Class. Where did he disappear to??? I popped my head round the curtain that veils First Class and Economy Class and guess who I saw sitting in the front row seat of Economy quietly reading the newspapers?   YAB Mr. Lim, you have my deepest respect. You have made history by being the first Chief Minister in this country to sit in Economy Class whilst in office as Chief Minister. You really mean what you say when you talk about cost-cutting. Sir, you have shown me leadership by example. Of course I asked permission to take his picture sitting in Economy and he laughed. And I said I'd blogged about it and he laughed some more, and gave permission. Ketua Menteri yang berjiwa rakyat.

Mom was only 16 when she married dad. When I was young, she had very little time to tend to us, except to our basic needs. She always had tonnes of housechores to take care of being apprenticed by my paternal grandma! So I had all the freedom to wander off & thus became a tomboy, cyclist, tree-climber & played with creepy crawlies(cockcroaches, grasshoppers, fireflies, etc).

She's the reason I enjoyed my carefree childhood. Believe it or not, she has never laid a finger on me since young because she never believes in punishing children.

Perhaps she's the reason why I'm 'reasonably' submissive to men. That was the name when my Singaporean landlady called me, when she found me woke up early to make breakfast & knelt on the floor to iron shirts for my ex.

She's the reason why I'm not a good cook today because she usually cooks Chinese & uses so much cooking oil & MSG that makes me thirsty all the time. She said she has no choice, because that's how dad likes it!

I suggested to go for a pampering & rejuvenating massage as my Mother's Day gift to her, but she told me not to waste money. So we, the children treated her a day off for a family dinner cum karaoke session. Oh yes! She loves to sing. 

I accompanied her to clinic yesterday(yeah, what a day to visit a doctor)for an injection to rid off her pain of her lower back, she confided in me that she has dropped & lost her money due to her own negligence during her marketing recently. She's the kind of woman who would feel very uneasy if she doesn't tell anyone what's bugging her. She doesn't dare to tell tales to dad & my brother because they would start nagging at her to make her feel worse about herself. But she has made my sister & I, her confidants.

We do quarrel sometimes due to our differences on anything. But constructive quarrels. Nothing else fancy. I believe she's the reason that strengthens the bond between my daughter & I.

Thank you, mom! I love you!!

 

 

 

 

 

       Susie had a problem that I had seen countless times before. This thirty-year-old woman would return from a visit to her parents’ home and suffer a deep depression.

When she described her problem to me, I asked her if she noticed that every time she went home to visit, she came back extremely depressed.

“Why that’s ridiculous,” she said “I don’t live there anymore. How could the trip affect me this way?”

When I asked her to describe the trip, Susie told of social gatherings with old friends and family times around the dinner table. These were fun, she said, especially when it was only family.

“What do you mean ‘only family’?” I asked.

“Well, other times my parents would invite some of my friends over, and I didn’t like those dinners as well.”

“Why was that?”

Susie thought for a minute and then replied, “I guess I start to feel guilty.” She began to recount the subtle remarks her parents would make comparing her friends’ lives to hers. They would talk of how wonderful it is for grandparents to have a “hands on” role in raising the children. They would talk of the community activities her friends were doing and how wonderful she would be at those activities if she only lived there. The list went on and on.

Susie soon discovered that, when she returned home, she felt as if she were bad for living where she lived. She had a nagging sense that she really should do what her parents wanted her to do.

Susie had a common problem. She had made choices on the outside. She had moved away from the family she grew up in to pursue a career on her own. She had been paying her own bills. She had even gotten married and had a child. But on the inside, things were different. She did not have emotional permission to be a separate person, make free choices about her life, and not feel guilty when she did not do what her parents wanted. She could still yield to pressure.

The real problem is on the inside. Remember, boundaries define someone’s property. Susie, and others like her, do not really “own” themselves. People who own their lives do not feel guilty when they make choices about where they are going. They take other people into consideration, but when they make choices for the wishes of others, they are choosing out of love, not guilt; to advance a good, not to avoid being bad.